Over the last few days, actually longer than that, I have had to watch families deal with the idea of betrayal. It has not been pleasant or easy, in fact, I would say it some of the ugliest circumstances I have ever had to help people walk through. As always if we are going to call ourselves “Christians”, “Christ-followers”, etc., we have to follow the example that Christ left us. There are three things we can employ when dealing with betrayal.
The First thing to use is Grace. Grace is giving someone something they don’t deserve. Jesus in John 13, not only washes the feet of all of His disciples. That is awesome to consider, but even more so when you consider that there is a betrayer in the midst & Jesus knows it, and washes his feet anyway! When we can do for people what they don’t deserve we are growing in Christlikeness.
Second, thing we should consider is the need for us to operate in forgiveness. Grace is for the betrayer, forgiveness is for us. I read a quote recently, that fits here, ”Unforgiveness is like drinking rat poison, then waiting for the rat to die.” (Hang in there you’ll get it. Get it? Rat! Anyway…) When we forgive we are truly reflecting the likeness and image of Christ. Remember some of His last words: ”Father, Forgive them, they don’t know what they do.” Most of the time they do not know what they did, how much pain was inflicted & how many people it effected. But we will keep our hearts from poison when we forgive them anyway.
Thirdly, we have to consider what happens if we use grace & forgiveness & they seemingly have no effect. I think at times we will find those who absolutely refuse to ackowledge they have done anything wrong, or that if they do acknowledge their betrayal they refuse to do anything to alter the lifestyle they are leading that continues to betray and inflict pain. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 5 that when they blatantly are living in such away & are calling themselves followers of Christ that we become the agents of correction by “handing Him over Satan so that His sinful nature will be destroyed so that He will be saved on the day the Lord returns.” How do we do that? Paul goes on to say, “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.” (verse 11) Again, this is referring to those who are considered followers of Christ, & have taken up a lifestyle that is in direct conflict to God’s known will, His Word. We have to deal with people who are not followers differently, because they do not call themselves brothers/sisters. That maybe a blog for another day.
This is really the same thing Jesus taught in the parable of the Prodigal Son. The son makes some horrible choices, literally betrays his father, all his father stands for, & all his father taught him. The father lets Him go, runs no interference, makes no contact that we are aware of, woos him back in no way. Literally has nothing to do with him. Eventually, the son’s life is all but completely destroyed & realizes its time to come home, then & only then does the father come off the porch. Sometimes we become a safety net for a person, when God wants them to have no safety net because He wants to use it so destroy the things that would eventually destroy them. Forgiveness should remain in operation during this process, & is evident because the father doesn’t wait,b ut comes running off the porch to greet the son because he wasn’t drinking the “rat poison” & then was able to bestow grace by throwing a party.
I struggle with the last point the most. I have a hard time thinking that the same hands God would use to shine light to a dark world by reaching toward it, would be the same hands that would bring correction by pulling them back. I have to trust God in that moment that He is doing things that I am incapable of doing by working in the heart of the ones that seem so far away. Let’s try Our best to be Christ when Betrayal comes knockin’. Let us employ grace when possible, Let us continually employ forgiveness, & let us become unemployed as safety nets only when absolutely necessary.
Amen Aaron, I absolutely agree with all that you’ve said here. I too have struggled with letting the prodigal find their way home, but the Lord pointed out that feeding the prodigal in the pig sty will likely keep them in the pig sty. Indeed, it is a manifestation of the Father’s mercy to let His lost child experience hunger for a season, in order to find the abundance of the table He’s prepared for them.
Thanks for your comment Bryan. We have got to be Christ in difficulty more so than in ease or our Christianity is ultimately useless. I don’t want to be an enabler when God intends to bring them to a place of repentance thereby making them an overcomer of the things that have hindered them for a long time.